Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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