I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
