You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's blow job season.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
