More tranny stories later!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
