also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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