I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hippo gnu deer
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize