How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
