I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
