i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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