Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize