I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I looked at my own cervix.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm too high and old for this...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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