Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
