Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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