Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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