Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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