When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
