Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
