I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
