Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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