DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
