all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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