I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
