Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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