I need help removing her.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
