Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
