I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize