My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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