I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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