Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
