Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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