just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
