I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
