Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
