So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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