I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
