I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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