I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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