you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
