My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
