i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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