worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
