I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
