I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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