I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
