he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
