He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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