this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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