I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
