my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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