I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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