Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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