You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
