walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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