before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
