5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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