Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
