Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
