His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
