Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
