I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
