Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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