bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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