I wish my penis had an off switch
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
