I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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