U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize