i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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