i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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