so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
