It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
