Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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