are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
