If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
