you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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