OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
