look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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