so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
