In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
