you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I will pee on everything he values.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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