Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
